December Diagnosis

There is no opportune time of year for a cancer diagnosis. Only the most neurotic lives in anticipation of tragic news. But, the holidays? That’s an especially difficult time to hear the words, “You have cancer.” The weeks are busy, the wallet is pinched, the days are short, the non-profits are obnoxious, the traffic will make you cry. It makes for a difficult time of year to show kindness to others.

I was diagnosed in December of 2015, and the desire to keep light and cheer palpable for my children was consuming. In hind-sight, I probably should have down-shifted my efforts. I wanted to show kindness to my family, but I demanded too much of myself and was one statement away from a psych ward by Christmas Eve. I’m still learning that grace shown to myself sometimes is grace received by those around me.

For those in the middle of the holiday season who are caring for others, be they children or aged family, finding time to process, grieve, and practice self-care is an existential struggle. If you know someone in this situation, do something helpful for them. If you aren’t certain what would be helpful, ask someone closer to them. You might not be in their closest circle, but you probably know someone who is.

If you are the person in this circumstance, as usual my advice is to do something nice for yourself that reminds you what it feels like to be a normal human. Intentional vignettes of beautiful will help you cope on this path through an unfamiliar and looming landscape. You need to start the journey with as much grace in your heart as you can, so front load that grace now. It will pay dividends to you in the near future, and to those in your circles, as well.